I've never been a fan of Old Man Winter. To say that Jack Frost nips at my nose is a gross understatement. My favorite winter sport is hibernating. When the mercury dips below forty degrees I'm off to sit by the fire with my blanket.
Each year I promise myself that I will do my Christmas shopping early, like maybe in July. And each year I don't. Unfortunately, I'm no better at keeping a secret than I am with keeping a promise to myself. I would probably end up giving the grandchildren their Christmas presents for Labor Day, and I would still have to Christmas shop.
Since Thanksgiving is now a faint memory, and all the advertisers on TV and radio are screaming about the scant number of shopping days until Christmas, I figured it was about time I headed out to the shopping mall. I put on my winter wander wear which consists of five pairs of socks, four mohair sweaters, three down-filled jackets, two pairs of gloves, and a partridge in a pear tree... let Jack Frost try and nip that! I was dreading the task, even before I opened the door and stepped outside. I really wanted to stay home by the fire and roast my chestnuts, but my shopping days were numbered. So, armed with a can of pepper spray in case a sale happened to break out, and wearing my shin guards to protect against the inevitable shopping cart injuries, I headed out toward the retail jungle.
After driving around the parking lot for forty-seven minutes, I finally spied a parking space within throwing distance of the main entrance. As if by magic, a mini van filled with teenagers appeared in the parking spot, making me wonder if I had only imagined the empty space. They smiled at me apologetically as if to say, "We're sorry we're younger and faster than you are." I smiled back and shrugged it off, thinking, "Well, falalalala lala la! I'm a senior and I get free coffee, so there!"
I finally found a parking spot just inside the county line, and the fun began. Eight hours and an entire check book later, I was all done...well all except for that special gift for my hubby. I had the perfect gift in mind, I just needed to find the right color. He already has my gift wrapped and under the tree. The package looks suspiciously like the box containing the black powder rifle he bought me last year. I'm guessing that this year, he bought me the Remington® Model 7600 High Gloss Center-fire deer rifle I overheard him telling one of his hunting buddies about on the phone last week. So I decided to get him a set of Royal Patrician English China in a delicate Summer Rose pattern, along with some lovely kitchen curtains.
My task finally completed, I took a place in line behind a hundred and eighty other noisy shoppers who were filled with the holiday spirit...or something? I breathed a prayer of thanks for my shin guards as another shopping cart crashed into my legs for the umpteenth time. Above the sound of haggard parents threatening to take away the entire holiday and any hope of the next birthday from their screaming, crying, tantrum-throwing children, I could hear the strains of the song 'I'll Be Home For Christmas' streaming from the sound system. I heaved a sigh and wondered if I would make it to the cash register by New Year's Day.
I swear...next year I'm doing my Christmas shopping in July!
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